Sunday, July 4, 2010

Thoughful .....

Lost in thought alot lately ~ I am missing my dad ~ it's been so long since he has been part of our lives that is true ~ but he is always in my heart and seems the older I get the more I miss him. Especially of late ~ life has been such a balance ~ or is such a balance, and though I have always felt that I come through and keep on trucking, I have a need to do more than just go from day to day. I know my son Alex is feeling the same way ~ getting the working everyday blues ~ we had a good talk the other day and cleared some air ~ he has been so tense and short tempered of late, he just wants to get back to school, finish it up, get started on a career, buy a house, and do some traveling and live life ... RIGHT NOW! haha I totally get where he is coming from I have been feeling the same way ~ especially in the last few years, people that mean the world to me have passed away ..... and I feel changed.

So now I am trying to balance things ~ the need to just get out there and live life don't stop ~ don't slow down, grab any and all happiness where you can find it and fly fly fly .... and with reality ~ that even dreams take time, that things like getting my life organized after the mess I have made of somethings - like my home, take time and patience to work through. That even being in love and looking towards sharing a future and sharing some of those things I never thought I would have like: a house, a chance to travel, someone to grow old with ..... take time ~ and that things do happen as they are meant to, you can't force fate.

And I have been missing my dad, I have been missing Dave ~ I have been missing Baba .... people in my life that I would have wanted to see me be happy ~ wanted to see me be okay in life.

I am finding this balancing a hard thing to do ~ I have not been feeling myself as much as I would like to lately, and I am struggling a bit ....... I am even trying to work on priorities and what is really worth keeping and what I need to let go. Or even who I need to let go .....

finding Balance.

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