I had a bit of an upset last night, as I was basically tying up a loose end that has been more than just a simple irritation of late. I have been the co-organizer of the Edmonton Women's group,and I had to take some drastic steps last night. The organizer, Sherley, while she is a very nice woman, and I enjoy her company as a person ~she and I have very very different organizing styles and have a different view on what the group should mean and the direction needed to make it a stronger viable alternative to spend our time on, especially when we both have very busy lives. So basically my options for myself had come down to ~ either she stepped down or I had to step away, well .... she feels she doesn't want to step down and so I went forward and said okay no hard feelings but I am stepping away. I know I put too much heart into things, and if I am involved with anything I put in usually 120% ~ therefore my attitude on things sometimes seems overboard, but being part of (a member only) another group, the 30 something, where Selene and I are becoming good friends, and she has alot of the same outlook and that group is thriving and getting better all the time, I feel that how I think is a good and strong way to deal with an internet group like that. I can't see myself being able to do that with the present leadership roles we are playing in the Edmonton Women's group ~ and all I have been is frustrated and unhappy ~ and everyone around me has stated that if it's not adding I need to make changes. I sat and trully thought about the changes I would have to make, and then had a meeting with Sherley last night.
So though I know I am doing the right thing, I feel I will be disappointing more than a few gals who really like who I am and what I have done with the group so far, so that made me a bit down ~ and I felt a bit disappointed that after all my efforts I really do need to step down. I was talking to her and I was at different points thinking "Well maybe I could make this work", and then she would say something and I would say to myself (there was alot of talkin my brain last night during this meeting haha) "um no that would drive me bonkers and I can't see us agreeing on that". She is a mellow soul and wants love and fun for everyone, I am a more hard ass woman who believes people need to be accountable and fair to the others of the group, and have no problem dealing with people that feel they can waste my time and the time of others. My end game is fun too ~ we just have very very different styles as to how we could accomplish that. So I need to step completely back and let her do it her way, I am very busy as it is and in truth I have more than enough other "social" things to do if I want ~and so I am good.
I was just feeling some lingering disappointment in ending my run as a co-organizer. In saying this I have one more scheduled event that I will host ~ we have a movie night tonight so I will get this done, and then tomorrow pull my status and let her take it away from this point forward. I am sure out of the 200 + women in that group she can find a co-organizer that better suits her style and viewpoints,and I can go back to joining the odd event ~ and letting the stress go that this has caused in the last weeks. Sherley and I were going to meet again on Thursday night again to discuss it some more (she was running short of time last night) but I think I am at peace with what I decided so I am good. A few of the girls suggested I start my own group, and Sherley agreed last night but I am not interested in doing that at this time. I will spend the extra time I am going to have in my home (it's a freaking mess), visiting with people I care about, and going to other organized events where all I need to do is show up and be my charming self haha.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
It's been a long long while .....
My blog ~ a creative outlet ~ a space to throw out some thoughts ~ a place to fulfill my need to type out and hold moments in time, to be able to go back ~ see growth, change, experience joy and once again read about how events have touched my heart, broken my heart, healed my heart ..... I would say that I would get on here and faithfully write all the time again, but I can't ... for in truth I have really many varied outlets now and who reads this haha. I can't believe the change in myself in the last year ~ I hope a change for the better, a stronger, happier more confident woman ~ I have embraced the gauntlet dear Dave left us all when he passed last year ~ to live life more, to enjoy life more, to get out and connect with life, with people, with just plain living.
It's hard to know where to start ~ I feel blessed in my life by the relationships I have developed ~ like the love, respect and friendship with my sister Bel, and the same plus the sense of connection with my amazing friend Dawn. Without these two women in my life I would often be sunk haha ~ they threaten to kick my ass almost daily if I need a slap here and there and my confidence shakes ~ as it is want to do when you are searching for the meanings of life haha. :)
In fact I just got in from going with coffee with Dawn ~ life has been hard lately and we don't get out to connect as much as we would like ~ but hey an hour here or there and we are usually golden. Then I send her back to her family ha ha and I go and do the same. We both have lost our crop mojo, but we are still amazingly good at "scrap shopping" hee hee ~ and we hope to attend a crop very soon here and get our creative sides humming again.
My dear sister Bel is approaching her 40 b-day very soon here ~ it just makes me shake my head at how the years are passing us all by ~ again somedays I feel anxious that I am not doing enough, not feeling enough, experiencing enough and that I may not have enough time in my life to do things that I really deem important ~ but I then realize as long as I take the experiences that I do have and live them to the fullest ~ hey I can be content........ for now.
Of late I have found a deeper meaning to a few things ~ the words friendship, and cherish, and love, and surprisingly I have found a meaning for the word "happy" I honestly thought at one time it was rather a lame and empty word, not expressing any deep feeling. Through meeting some amazing people in my life I can see that sometimes it is just the word that "fits". I have been touched by a special relationship ~ I find it hard to describe how my heart has been taken - I feel deeply blessed that timing ~ something that has been illusive alot of my life ~ worked, and Kevin has come into my life. It's like I carry a smile around in my soul all the time, a deep sense of "this is true, and right and good" and simply amazing. He makes me happy.
I struggle when I see people I care about or love get hurt, be sick, or feel lost. I have friends that are going through life altering soul wrenching changes and I feel helpless ~ we all just want to protect the ones we care about ~ we have a natural inclination to "fix", make 'better', find answers ..... part of life is learning how to support, to just be there ~ and when they call - make sure your hand is out to pull them back to the shore. :)
On another hand I trully am blessed with having met some amazing new people in the last year ~ and I have tried new things because of it too!!! I have tried bellydancing and curling (oh I know not at the same time hee hee) I have gone out pubbing with strangers and at the end of the evening I have more new friends. I am looking forward to the spring days coming ~ getting back out in the beautiful river valley and area and walking ~ going on picnics in the park ~ having my friend Randall take me out on his motorcycle and seeing the city from that perspective, and trying something new with someone I care and trust to keep me safe ~ I am looking forward to the summer ~ going camping with loved ones and friends, getting out to city festivals, spending time just chilling on my deck (can't wait till it is flower planting time) and once again surround myself with new experiences, what? I don't know ~ I'll find them, I will also find new love, keep it ;) and grow friendships that last lifetimes. Last summer-winter experiences included horseback riding, and doing the corn maze, meeting new people every time I went out ~ this year what? Maybe quadding and zip lining? Who knows. :)
I would love to get back up in the sky and do either a tandum jump or take another plunge at skydiving ~ pun not intended haha - plunging isn't the best when skydiving hee hee. ;) I would love to go to the mountains and do some hiking, maybe buy a bike and get out and see the city that way ~ I want to explore, spend time with friends, and enjoy every breath I take. There is always sad, there is always "stuff", there is always "deal" ~ but I am going to pull life, love and laughter out of the equation to and I am going to find balance and yes "happy" moments. :)
It's time ..... I am ready ....
here we go :)
It's hard to know where to start ~ I feel blessed in my life by the relationships I have developed ~ like the love, respect and friendship with my sister Bel, and the same plus the sense of connection with my amazing friend Dawn. Without these two women in my life I would often be sunk haha ~ they threaten to kick my ass almost daily if I need a slap here and there and my confidence shakes ~ as it is want to do when you are searching for the meanings of life haha. :)
In fact I just got in from going with coffee with Dawn ~ life has been hard lately and we don't get out to connect as much as we would like ~ but hey an hour here or there and we are usually golden. Then I send her back to her family ha ha and I go and do the same. We both have lost our crop mojo, but we are still amazingly good at "scrap shopping" hee hee ~ and we hope to attend a crop very soon here and get our creative sides humming again.
My dear sister Bel is approaching her 40 b-day very soon here ~ it just makes me shake my head at how the years are passing us all by ~ again somedays I feel anxious that I am not doing enough, not feeling enough, experiencing enough and that I may not have enough time in my life to do things that I really deem important ~ but I then realize as long as I take the experiences that I do have and live them to the fullest ~ hey I can be content........ for now.
Of late I have found a deeper meaning to a few things ~ the words friendship, and cherish, and love, and surprisingly I have found a meaning for the word "happy" I honestly thought at one time it was rather a lame and empty word, not expressing any deep feeling. Through meeting some amazing people in my life I can see that sometimes it is just the word that "fits". I have been touched by a special relationship ~ I find it hard to describe how my heart has been taken - I feel deeply blessed that timing ~ something that has been illusive alot of my life ~ worked, and Kevin has come into my life. It's like I carry a smile around in my soul all the time, a deep sense of "this is true, and right and good" and simply amazing. He makes me happy.
I struggle when I see people I care about or love get hurt, be sick, or feel lost. I have friends that are going through life altering soul wrenching changes and I feel helpless ~ we all just want to protect the ones we care about ~ we have a natural inclination to "fix", make 'better', find answers ..... part of life is learning how to support, to just be there ~ and when they call - make sure your hand is out to pull them back to the shore. :)
On another hand I trully am blessed with having met some amazing new people in the last year ~ and I have tried new things because of it too!!! I have tried bellydancing and curling (oh I know not at the same time hee hee) I have gone out pubbing with strangers and at the end of the evening I have more new friends. I am looking forward to the spring days coming ~ getting back out in the beautiful river valley and area and walking ~ going on picnics in the park ~ having my friend Randall take me out on his motorcycle and seeing the city from that perspective, and trying something new with someone I care and trust to keep me safe ~ I am looking forward to the summer ~ going camping with loved ones and friends, getting out to city festivals, spending time just chilling on my deck (can't wait till it is flower planting time) and once again surround myself with new experiences, what? I don't know ~ I'll find them, I will also find new love, keep it ;) and grow friendships that last lifetimes. Last summer-winter experiences included horseback riding, and doing the corn maze, meeting new people every time I went out ~ this year what? Maybe quadding and zip lining? Who knows. :)
I would love to get back up in the sky and do either a tandum jump or take another plunge at skydiving ~ pun not intended haha - plunging isn't the best when skydiving hee hee. ;) I would love to go to the mountains and do some hiking, maybe buy a bike and get out and see the city that way ~ I want to explore, spend time with friends, and enjoy every breath I take. There is always sad, there is always "stuff", there is always "deal" ~ but I am going to pull life, love and laughter out of the equation to and I am going to find balance and yes "happy" moments. :)
It's time ..... I am ready ....
here we go :)
Monday, November 30, 2009
Life is busy ...
I can not believe that the time has flown so quickly since the last time I have updated my blog ~ I sometimes think I should just discontinue it, I don't think many check it and there is always other forms of communication if your friends want to keep in touch. :) That being said - I am in the mood to update things today so I will do that ha ha ~ life has been busy. Full of new experiences ~ going to the varied groups and events put on by the meetup.com bunch has been in the most part a great experience, I have met tonnes of new people ~ found a few good new friends, and have enjoyed getting out and seeing the city more also. I have in the last many many months lost my mojo for scrapbooking ~ but have of late been working on getting it back ~ I found scrapbooking always to be a very important part of my creative side, and though socially I have been busy and life has been fuller, I have missed the quiet times at home where having that outlet of art is so vital to keep life on a smooth level, it helps me think, it provides an outlet for creativity and working with pictures of people I care about, or things I love is always good for uplifting the soul. So recently a friend asked me to be a part of her circle journal - the group is small, and she is very strict on guidelines for getting things done and sent off ~ I had two failed attempts at being part of a circle journal group ~ so I took the leap and felt this may be a good way to jump start my mojo :) So far so good.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Wow the summer has flown .....
I can't believe how the last few weeks have flown by - sadly summer is coming to an end, and it is a bittersweet one. Full of some great new experiences and memories, and yet with school coming - for "my" kids off to college ~ it means some big changes. My "other" son, for this is a young man that has grown with my son ~ and is a dear member of our family ~ is off to Nova Scotia tomorrow on a Football scholarship - and though I am happy that he has this amazing opportunity, he is already deeply missed and it's going to be a somber reality when he is gone. I call my "kids" - one mine - two honorary :) the three musketeers because they are constantly together, and have formed such a strong bond - I like that my son has found some really good people in his life, and share his sadness at his best bud flying away. Life does change ~ and I am gearing up to embrace it more and more. Bring it on! I am ready for the challenges.
Cleaning today - and I found some bubbles - yep left over from a wedding or something ~ so I proceded to go out on my deck and spent about 15-20 mins blowing bubbles, just watching the amazing colors, interested in how far some of them went - loving the way they took off on the wind. I love bubbles - such a simple thing but more than therapeutic in a way. I am learning to bounce back quicker and quicker from disappointments or false starts, shifting my direction towards more solid ground and better building blocks. :) Listening to fate a bit more ~ and trying to learn the lessons as they are delivered the first time. Last night was a good example - I was suppose to go and enjoy an event out of the city - with people I have not touched base with for a good long while - some school graduates - wasn't sure if I was even wanting to go. I got all dressed and ready to go, but my vehicle had other plans - and home I came. I was feeling quite put out and upset - but I just simply went to bed because today is a new day - and obviously wasn't meant to go out that evening. Today is a new day - today is a bubble day haha.
Going to be a busy week - I have recently joined some meetup.com groups to spend a little more time getting to know more people in the city I love, as well as maybe seeing a bit more of the city. So among coffee nights, and movie nights, and walking nights - this week is going to be a busy one in the evenings ~ which is good as at work right now I am under some pressure and stress - big project coming up that relies on my know how and clear head (ha ha who knew?) so the days will be long and full, and really glad that I have enjoyable things to look forward to in the evenings to decompress.
Balance - that is what I am striving to find in life a bit more, the dips and hard times - the sad moments, need a balance of joy ~ and this I am well on my way to finding a path.
Deep breathe - back to cleaning haha - bubble play time over, and I wish you all a very good week!
Cheers
Cleaning today - and I found some bubbles - yep left over from a wedding or something ~ so I proceded to go out on my deck and spent about 15-20 mins blowing bubbles, just watching the amazing colors, interested in how far some of them went - loving the way they took off on the wind. I love bubbles - such a simple thing but more than therapeutic in a way. I am learning to bounce back quicker and quicker from disappointments or false starts, shifting my direction towards more solid ground and better building blocks. :) Listening to fate a bit more ~ and trying to learn the lessons as they are delivered the first time. Last night was a good example - I was suppose to go and enjoy an event out of the city - with people I have not touched base with for a good long while - some school graduates - wasn't sure if I was even wanting to go. I got all dressed and ready to go, but my vehicle had other plans - and home I came. I was feeling quite put out and upset - but I just simply went to bed because today is a new day - and obviously wasn't meant to go out that evening. Today is a new day - today is a bubble day haha.
Going to be a busy week - I have recently joined some meetup.com groups to spend a little more time getting to know more people in the city I love, as well as maybe seeing a bit more of the city. So among coffee nights, and movie nights, and walking nights - this week is going to be a busy one in the evenings ~ which is good as at work right now I am under some pressure and stress - big project coming up that relies on my know how and clear head (ha ha who knew?) so the days will be long and full, and really glad that I have enjoyable things to look forward to in the evenings to decompress.
Balance - that is what I am striving to find in life a bit more, the dips and hard times - the sad moments, need a balance of joy ~ and this I am well on my way to finding a path.
Deep breathe - back to cleaning haha - bubble play time over, and I wish you all a very good week!
Cheers
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Okay breathe in .... and exhale
I put my blog to rest for awhile ~ life has been a jumble of whirl wind events some amazingly joyful to others heart wrenchingly filled with sorrow ~ so I have been knocked of balance of any kind in the last hhhhmmmm looks like from my last blog post almost a year. My focus on life has shifted and changed ~ and I definitely in every sense of the words right now am a "Work in Progress" so why am I blogging again? Well I think I am looking for inspiration in life and drawing it where I can ~ I have just started reading the book "Julie and Julia" by Julie Powell and already by reading a few chapters I have been moved to get back to my blogging, if just to be recording my struggle and efforts to find out where I "fit" in the world. Life can be made "simple" but simple does not mean easy ~ and I know I have a long way to go before I feel settled and really can say I am content with where I am in the world. I am not afraid of some hard work though, and lordy knows I know alot about false starts, wrong paths, and getting up and regrouping in life ~ and this is just another phase where I need to do just that. I think though because I am not a young woman anymore I do have an added sense of "getting it" right this time, or actually feeling like I will come to a place where my soul will be at peace. I have a saying that I use often ~ when I feel a bit beaten down by life and circumstances that it is time to BOUNCE ~ meaning that when you feel like you have hit a rock bottom there is only one way to go ~ Bounce back up again. So I am on the bounce side, and I am searching ~ and I have a great need to find more energy, motivation, inspiration and good soul moments in my life. I know I have many changes that need to be undertaken, and there are many new experiences out there for me to live, and at the same time needing to keep the balance of things in life that need to be dealt with and just the work of living day to day life.
So for today I say "it's bounce time" and I think I shall go and read a couple more chapters of this book and then do some dishes ~ balance.
So for today I say "it's bounce time" and I think I shall go and read a couple more chapters of this book and then do some dishes ~ balance.
Quote
"The only way of finding limits of the possible
is by going beyond them into the impossible."
~ Arthur C. Clarke
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Fair Tuesday it is .....
Boy I can't believe how time is flying by. My mom and her hubby's first anniversary today ~ so sweet ~ I am very happy for my mom that she found this man to be with her, love her, and stand by her ~ the rest of their days ~ gives hope for me haha ;)
Went to Scrapalicious again at the beginning of December ~ and I am already looking forward to the one in January ~ I find it very enjoyable, we have alot of space to work, good company, lots of snacks, and a great amount of time to crop. As well I went to my first evening of the CTMH hostess group I have joined, my friend Mel came along with me, and now has joined as well ~ so this is another event I will be looking forward to on a monthly basis. The new year is holding some exciting things ~ crop times, retreats, hope to head back to Hinton with my girl Kelly and do some more classes with the awesome ladies there ~ my son's grad, my Grandparents 50th Anniversary ~ and a few more exciting milestones. I am looking forward to 2009 ~ to improving and building on the friendships I have, to continuing to improve my health - not only physically but mental growth as well, to much more scrapbooking and bonding time, and precious memories and moments with family.
Right away I get some lovely holiday time from work, and I hope to spend it in my home and get to some pushed away chores to help me bring in the new year on a positive note and push ahead to a bright 2009 ~
I hope to maybe even meet some cyber friends that I have come to know a bit ~ maybe get together in the "real" world haha ~ another bright and positve aspect to look forward in the new year.
Okay off for now ~ I hope you all have a wonderful week :)
Went to Scrapalicious again at the beginning of December ~ and I am already looking forward to the one in January ~ I find it very enjoyable, we have alot of space to work, good company, lots of snacks, and a great amount of time to crop. As well I went to my first evening of the CTMH hostess group I have joined, my friend Mel came along with me, and now has joined as well ~ so this is another event I will be looking forward to on a monthly basis. The new year is holding some exciting things ~ crop times, retreats, hope to head back to Hinton with my girl Kelly and do some more classes with the awesome ladies there ~ my son's grad, my Grandparents 50th Anniversary ~ and a few more exciting milestones. I am looking forward to 2009 ~ to improving and building on the friendships I have, to continuing to improve my health - not only physically but mental growth as well, to much more scrapbooking and bonding time, and precious memories and moments with family.
Right away I get some lovely holiday time from work, and I hope to spend it in my home and get to some pushed away chores to help me bring in the new year on a positive note and push ahead to a bright 2009 ~
I hope to maybe even meet some cyber friends that I have come to know a bit ~ maybe get together in the "real" world haha ~ another bright and positve aspect to look forward in the new year.
Okay off for now ~ I hope you all have a wonderful week :)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The coffee .... does it to you everytime
Here I sit awake just kinda surfing ~ Miss Dawn came over for a few hours this evening to get in some scrapbooking and quality visiting time and brought a yummy coffee from Starbucks, well I am wide awake and though I could still be scrapping ~ I am surfing instead.
It's been an long week this one has ~ full of ups and downs. I got to touch base with a friend I have been thinking about Miss Tammy B. and have some supper one evening ~ it was good to just sit in a relaxed setting and touch base. So that was an up ~ then the very next day I received some news from my younger sister that a close friend of her and her friends had passed away in a freak hunting accident. A young man same age as my sister, newly married this summer ~ and it broke my heart ~ so much grief felt all around, my heart went out to all of them ~ for it will be a long road. It made me think of priorities and happiness ~ of what trully are things that make me happy, and how important it is to get out and really "live" life. I have a saying "that we just have to bounce" ~ for when we hit a seemingly bottom of any situation, and we feel we can't go lower there is only one way to go ~ bounce up!
So I am going to take deeper breaths, going to stretch higher, expect more of myself ~ and set attainable goals ~ and do some more living. And I hope my friends do the same ~ we honestly don't know what tomorrow will bring, but if we live in the moments of today, and not the regrets of the past or the fear of the future ~ we will face each day with a smile.
So bounce people ~ love live ~ live each day as well as you can ~ it honors those in our worlds that can not do that anymore.
Rest in Peace Faber - I know you are well loved by your friends and your family.
It's been an long week this one has ~ full of ups and downs. I got to touch base with a friend I have been thinking about Miss Tammy B. and have some supper one evening ~ it was good to just sit in a relaxed setting and touch base. So that was an up ~ then the very next day I received some news from my younger sister that a close friend of her and her friends had passed away in a freak hunting accident. A young man same age as my sister, newly married this summer ~ and it broke my heart ~ so much grief felt all around, my heart went out to all of them ~ for it will be a long road. It made me think of priorities and happiness ~ of what trully are things that make me happy, and how important it is to get out and really "live" life. I have a saying "that we just have to bounce" ~ for when we hit a seemingly bottom of any situation, and we feel we can't go lower there is only one way to go ~ bounce up!
So I am going to take deeper breaths, going to stretch higher, expect more of myself ~ and set attainable goals ~ and do some more living. And I hope my friends do the same ~ we honestly don't know what tomorrow will bring, but if we live in the moments of today, and not the regrets of the past or the fear of the future ~ we will face each day with a smile.
So bounce people ~ love live ~ live each day as well as you can ~ it honors those in our worlds that can not do that anymore.
Rest in Peace Faber - I know you are well loved by your friends and your family.
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